Ask Me No Questions. I'll Tell You No Lies.

INTERVIEW – 12/12/2010

I don’t want to be here. Please let me leave.

This interview is being recorded. I am DC Jim Garvey at Donnybrook Garda Station. What’s your full name?

I don’t have one.

You don’t have a name?

No.

Ok, you were found in a room with four victims. Were they friends of yours?

No.

Then why were they with you in that attic?

To ask questions.

Questions… alright, give me an example.

[SUSPECT NEGLECTS TO RESPOND]

Why did that stump you?

You made a statement. You didn’t ask.

Jesus, fine. Can I have an example of these “questions” they asked you?

… “Then what is there?”

What sort of question is that?

The last one they asked before-

They wound up dead.

[SUSPECT NEGLECTS TO RESPOND]

Why did they come to ask you questions?

Because I would answer.

About what?

About anything. Please sir, I wasn’t responsible for what happened. I would like to leave.

What do you mean “about anything”?

They would ask me questions about anything and I’d answer them.

Why?

Because I have to.

Well, this interview would be a lot smoother if that were true!

[SUSPECT NEGLECTS TO RESPOND]

So what, you’re a uh… guru? The Oracle of Delphi are ya?

No.

Well, you couldn’t tell me next week’s lotto numbers could ya?

18 20 32 33 35 44 15

Funny. So these” visitors”. They were killed. Do you know who by?

They killed themselves.

Why?

In response to my answer.

Ok right, let’s be clear now, what did they ask you?

What’s my name? Where is my daughter living now? Will my business succeed? Why not? How can I-

Wait wait wait, so you just live in an attic and invite people to ask you stuff?

I invited no one. They found me.

Ok, so if I asked their names, you’d have to tell me.

[SUSPECT NEGLECTS TO RESPOND]

... Jesus... What. Were. Their. Names?

John Patrick. Lena Shaw. Brian Murray. George Caster.

So you DID know them?

Not until you asked. Please, just let-

- Ok clever clogs, so if I asked you my uh… wife’s name, you’d say?

Jane Garvey.

…

Please, let me go.

... I’m thinking of a playing card, what is it?

Four of Diamonds.

I... what’s the next one I’m thinking of?

Ace of Clubs.

I’m thinking of three different cards… what are they?

Seven of Spades. Nine of Hearts. Draw Four.

[DC GARVEY STANDS UP]

Is this a trick?

No. Please let me leave, DC Garvey.

[DC GARVEY TAKES A SEAT]

What was my imaginary friend called?

Walter.

I lost a box of photos, where is it?

Above the boiler in your father’s house. Please.

Who kidnapped Mara Caney three years ago.

Her step-mother.

[10 SECONDS - SILENCE]

... Did Jane... did she die peacefully?

Yes. Please, DC Garvey-

Will I see her again?

... In a sense.

So there’s really a heaven?

No.

[5 SECONDS - SILENCE]

... Then what is there?